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Had the chance to go fishing with some good friends Saturday night, and I figured that since I wasn’t speaking the next morning a semi-late night wouldn’t kill me. Boy, was I wrong. Here are some of the very random lessons I learned…

• Murphy’s law tells us if you go fishing with a boat that has no spare tire for the trailer, you’re gonna have a blow out. Oops.
• Common sense tells us if you have a blow out on the Polk Parkway at 1:30am on Sunday morning, you’re on your own because nothing’s open. Oops #2.
• I’m sure there’s a law of thermodynamics that tells us if you drive on said flat tire, even at slow speeds, before long you’ll be driving on the rim. Oops #3 (but who’s counting?)
• Through personal observation I learned that you can’t drive very long on the rim of a blown out tire. By the way, don’t touch it – it’s REALLY hot by now.
• And if you leave the boat on the side of the road to go get a spare, be sure to leave two buddies and a Glock to watch over things (this one actually worked out ok).
• Oh, yeah – when you get back with the spare tire of a MUCH smaller boat (namely, mine) hoping it’ll fit, don’t get in a hurry because…
• Most likely, all five lug nuts will be firmly welded rusted in place.
• Don’t cut your hand on the shredded rim as you fight to remove said lug nuts.
• Once you get them off, the new (much smaller) tire/rim WILL fit, but don’t get excited yet because…
• When you lower the boat off the jack to drive home, the much-too-small tire/rim combo will IMMEDIATELY go flat (by now it’s getting laughable)…
• Don’t be afraid, drive home anyway. I mean, if you can demolish one trailer tire/rim, why not two?
• The smaller tire & rim will, surprisingly, hold up MUCH better than the much larger stock one did.
• After finishing the drive at a brisk pace of 10mph, you’re not going to bed before 3am. But don’t get too comfy because…
• you’re getting up at 8am to go to RPC and chase 100 13 two-year-olds around.

Good times. Actually, we had a blast in spite of our minor setbacks. But then, we’re kind of twisted like that.

What’s that? You say you already knew most of these lessons?

Then why didn’t you call me?